No More Need to Pretend
by Laguna's twin sister
Summary: REPOSTED He loves her more than anything else in the world but what can he do when she has given her heart to the missing soldier, Laguna Loire?. Warning: Excruciatingly mushy it can kill.
1. Prologue

Title: No More Need to Pretend 

Pairing: Julia X General Caraway

Warnings: Mushiness and OOC-ness

Disclaimer: I don't own anything so please don't sue me.

Author's notes: See bottom of page

_---_

"Julia…"

"Richard. I need to talk to you." She waited until General Caraway finally gave her his full attention.

"Any news about him yet?"

"I'm afraid not. I'm sorry," he gave her an apologetic smile and got up to pull a chair in his office for her to sit on. She sat down shakily. Although she got the same answer every week, her heart still wavered and yet her hope never died.

Richard pulled another chair to sit beside her and to look at her intently. "This thing happens a lot in the army and well… it's been 4 months since Loire's troops disappeared." He stopped when he saw Julia's gloomy face. "Don't worry, we're doing everything we can."

"I know," she sighed aloud.

Richard looked at the wall clock on his office and noticed that it was thirty minutes till five o'clock. He finished his job earlier than usual that day and Julia looked so… she always had that happy demeanor that it broke his heart to see her so sad.

"I'll treat you out for a cup of hot chocolate and strawberry flavored donuts… what do you say?" he said with a small grin, as an attempt to lighten up her mood.

"Sounds good to me…" she forced the words out of her mouth. If it had been any other day, she would have dragged him to the café almost immediately. But she hadn't been her usual self lately. Her favorite snacks were the things she least thought about.

"Ok." The general called his secretary to tell her that he was leaving. He quickly fixed his things then stood in front of Julia to offer her his right hand. She took it quietly and the two of them walked outside his office. The moment they were on the 'outside world', Richard realized that she was once again forced to wear her mask. She smiled at everyone who greeted her; waved to some of the rookie soldiers who were too shy to say hello. They walked casually, as if nothing was wrong. He hated to see her like this. Ever since she became a social icon she forced herself to become some sort of doll. She became a doll that looked happy and perfect to everyone around her.

They took an uncommon route to go to the café. They passed by the bridge on the side of the big Arc of Deling. Because of Julia's growing popularity, they had to avoid attention as much as they could. They walked in silence as they both watched the sun set in the horizon.

Richard had already seen countless of beautiful sunsets in countless of places but in his heart, he knew that they could never match the beauty of the woman beside him for she was the perfect art of nature. But as he looked at her at that moment, he felt his heart fall like the setting sun. His perfect art of nature was losing her divine light. All because of that… that… man.

Julia turned around to look at Richard when she realized that he had stopped in his tracks and was already behind her.

"What's wrong?" she asked with a small quirk of her brow. She saw his eyes close momentarily and his hands form a fist.

"You can't go on like this Julia… You just can't." There was a small tinge of anger in his voice.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't take it anymore. It hurts me so much to see you sad. You have not been the Julia Heartily I used to know and it's wounding me."

Julia was surprised. She never expected this to come from her childhood friend. She had never seen him like this. "I'm sorry… I guess popularity is getting into my head…"

"No, that's not what I meant." Richard went to the bridge's edge and leaned on the railing. "Why can't you just forget him?"

Julia had a baffled expression in her face. "Richard… what are you saying?" she went beside him and lightly tugged on his arm for him to face her.

"Julia. I'm tired of giving you optimistic comments. I'm tired of keeping your hopes up. Lt. Loire has been gone for four months. Why can't you just forget about him? Why can't you just go on with your life and be your usual happy self?" he hated to be this blunt to her but he had to get it off his chest.

"Well I'm sorry oh great General Caraway. I thought you were my friend, and I thought you'd understand. I'm sorry that I never realized that you were tired of me asking questions about Laguna's whereabouts." Richard could see tears forming in the edge of her eyes. "And for your information. I am happy."

"Stop lying Julia. You can fool everyone else but you can never fool me." He reached out in an attempt to wipe her tears but she moved back as if repelled by his touch. "Why does Loire have this much impact on you?"

"If you understand me so much then why can't you see that … that Laguna Loire is important to me and I need him back in my life!" pools of tears finally escaped her eyes and she angrily wiped them away.

Richard was taken aback. He was a man in love as he was her friend. He already knew that she was feeling this way but it made a big difference when she finally told him out loud. "But Julia… Laguna might be dead for all we know." He was stopped short when his cheek received an angry slap from Julia's hands. Julia expected him to keep quiet or even walk away but he didn't.

"Julia, why can't you just stop looking at him and see the other people around you who care for you…There are other people out there dying for you to notice them and make them part of your life, people who want to make you go on with your life… Damn it Julia… why can't you just see me?"

Confusion clouded her mind and she didn't know what to say. "You're my best friend Richard… Or at least I thought you were. Laguna's my first love. You'll never understand. You've never been in love."

"Ha! You're wrong." Richard took her shoulders in his hands and gazed into her eyes, making her want to see the windows of his soul. "I love you Julia. I always have. I swore to be the best for you because you're everything to me."

Julia suddenly broke away from his grasp as more tears fell from her face. "I never asked you to love me, or be the best for me. Don't blame it on Laguna if I could only see him."

"Please Julia… for your own good. Forget about Laguna Loire. He might never come back. I'll help you forget. I'll give you love that's more than what Loire could ever give you."

"Stop it Richard! You don't know what you're saying." She angrily pounded on his chest and he let her if it would help ease her pain.

"Shh… it's all right." He stroked her hair affectionately as he felt her sob in his chest.

"It's not… Forget it Richard. I'll even forget this whole thing ever happened."

"But I can never forget my love for you Julia… I tried… so hard…when I realized you were in love with someone else. But he might not even exist anymore. Why can't you just think about us?"

She strongly pushed him away, "There was never an 'us' and there never will be. Laguna's alive and I will find him."

"Stop being so stubborn Julia." He turned his back to her and touched his head in frustration.

"Good bye Richard." She finally wiped away her tears and walked away. Just then, Richard realized how stupidly he had acted and turned around to apologize to her.

And before he could even say his apologies, she was already gone. And she might have walked out of his life forever.

_----------_

Author's Notes:

Ok. This is a reposted fic. I took it out before when I realized how much it sucked. ( edit needed improvement /edit ) Uh…inconsistencies are as follows

1 – Salt lake is not full of snow… yes… Snowy part Trabia. The white stuff got me confused. So uh… let's just pretend that the white stuff in Salt lake is cold ok?

2 – General Caraway and Julia only met when they got older, when Julia was looking for the missing Laguna. But um… hey, it's a fic!

3 – General Caraway is… well… his character wasn't that developed anyway so I decided to make him a semi-wuss in this fic.

Also, the name "Richard" was not first used by me. Soul Hunter first (or at least that's where I got it from) used it in the (CarawayXJulia) fic "To Love Again". And again I want to thank Soul Hunter for giving me permission to use the name on my fic! Thanks a bunch!

I also want to thank those people who reviewed my fic when it was first posted some time ago. I hope you guys read it again and see the improvements (yes, I hope it improved!) and the new ending hint hint. I'm sorry I can't remember you guys right now but you know who you are! Thank you!


	2. Fear

She was gone.

The general didn't know what to do. If this had been a security problem, then the Galbadian government might have fired him already. He was normally cool, calm and collected, but when it came to _her_, everything changed.

He was pacing back and forth in his room for more than an hour now, thinking about where she could've gone, or how she was at that moment. His head ached with worry; his heart was heavy with guilt. This was all his fault.

Now Julia Heartily is missing and nowhere to be found.

"She really can be reckless sometimes," he muttered in frustration as he rubbed his temples, in an effort to stop his headache from getting worse. His behavior was starting to be unbecoming of a general.

He had pulled the strings and used all his connections to find out where exactly she went but no one seemed to find the answers. She had always been good with hide-and-seek and she was slowly driving him insane.

"This is your fault you stupid fool…" he berated himself more as he punched the wall, imagining that he was punching himself.

Because of his frustration, he didn't even notice that his television was open. It was a good thing that he came around the moment the answer he was looking for appeared on the screen.

"A group of very eager fans have assembled on the train station in Fisherman's Horizon after famous pianist and singer Ms. Julia Heartily was said to have been spotted here today. This has caused a minor disturbance here but the police are trying to get the crowd to calm down…"

Leave it to the media to get information.

Richard Caraway's features lightened up a bit as he heard the news. He hurriedly grabbed his things and went to the train station.

"Julia, please be ok…"

----------------------------------------------

He was amazed to see Julia's horde of fans scattered all over the train station, as they waited patiently for more news about their idol. She was said to have boarded the train that was headed for Salt Lake; and everyone knew that she's scheduled to come back after a few hours. A few minutes after her train left, the ships docked there announced that all trips are cancelled for that day, due to a big storm that is said to hit the archipelago in the afternoon. Everyone knows that Salt Lake is just a barren wasteland with no hotels or sights to see. People go to Salt Lake for the ships, yet some adventurers and treasure seekers say that you might find the gates of the hidden city, Esthar there.

Like one of her fans, he waited for the train's arrival as patiently as he could. His heart was beating madly in his chest. Questions like, is she really going to be in there or will she ever forgive him continuously entered his mind. He could not help but be pessimistic as he saw the storm clouds building up in the horizon. All he could not stop himself from thinking that this could be an omen.

After a few more minutes, the train finally arrived. The media, the fans and everyone else eagerly waited for Julia to come down. The passengers came down one by one but the singer was not seen. Maybe she was still inside… maybe she was waiting for the crowd to dissipate before she came down, to avoid a commotion. Richard couldn't contain his emotions any longer as he fought his way through the crowd to be nearer the train's entrance.

"Is it true that Miss Heartily was on board this train?" he heard one reporter ask one of the crew.

"Uh… no comment," the man nervously replied as he tried his best to avoid any more questions. After a few minutes, the crowd slowly disappeared. Many supposed that it was all just a false rumor.

Richard didn't know why, but his gut instincts told him that Julia was indeed on that train. Was she still inside, hiding? He suddenly stepped on something. As he bent down to look at what he stepped on, he couldn't stifle a gasp when he realized it was Julia's key chain. She was on that train! Unable to control himself any longer, he desperately looked for another entrance.

"Please, let me through," he begged one of the crewmembers that blocked his way.

"I'm sorry sir, but …"

"Please, I am General Caraway, I need to speak to the train's pilot." He hated using his power to get his way… but this was an emergency.

"Oh, from the Galbadian Army. Good, we have been expecting you."

Richard was surprised at the man's remark, what could be wrong? Julia…

"Julia Heartily is not aboard this train… I repeat… Julia Heartily not on this train," he heard the pilot tell the people, loud and clear… but the key chain…

Richard ran after the pilot as soon as the crew shut all the doors. He was now very confused.

"Sir, I am sorry to interrupt, but is …"

"General, we called you because of an emergency. Miss Heartily…"

Called him? Emergency?

"This is a very confidential matter. We have been advised not to tell anyone to avoid a ruckus…"

"Miss Heartily was on this train?" the young general asked shakily.

"Yes, in fact she was. But due to unknown circumstances, she refused to come back with us."

Richard forgot how to breathe.

"We almost carried her here, believe me General, we did. But then she suddenly jumped off. We tried to stop the train to get her back, but our trains are set on automatic mode. Our emergency breaks will not work well because the tracks are too slippery due to the heavy rain." Apprehension was evident on the older man's face. "It was too risky. We couldn't get her back… General Caraway?" the pilot stopped when he saw how pale the young general was.

"She's alone there, in the middle of a storm!" Richard exclaimed as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

"With all due respect to Miss Heartily, we honestly thought she had gone insane. Someone told us that she said something about 'looking for someone' so she had to be left behind."

He should've known this was going to happen. And now, she's in danger because of his foolishness.

"I'm going to get her back… I swear… I'm going to get her back."

"General Caraway? What are you saying?" the pilot asked worriedly, afraid that the General had gone insane too.

"I'm going to bring her back here, alive. I'll get her back no matter what… even if I have to die trying," The young general swore with finality, his eyes full of determination.

He's going to save Julia Heartily. He has to.

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He clutched the key chain tightly as he started his search for Julia. He had to hurry. He already wasted an hour getting all his supplies and begging the Galbadian army to send a rescue team with him to help with the search and rescue operation. His efforts were all in vain for Julia Heartily may be the most popular icon right now, but the army didn't want to risk more lives just for her. The Galbadian army seemed to be getting weaker and weaker, as the soldiers disappear one by one. They cannot afford to lose more soldiers.

But what they didn't know is that the young pianist was actually looking for one of their men, the soldier Laguna Loire. He's reported to be missing in action, after he and two other soldiers were sent to Centra to investigate.

"No time to think about that now…" he thought to himself. He needed to find Julia. After he got the supplies, it took him another 2 hours to get to Salt Lake. All modes of transportation were cancelled or not allowed to depart because of the storm. He swore to get there even if he had to swim. Finally, the military gave him permission to depart, only after he swore to be fully liable for his actions. He's on his own now; the army won't be backing up him up.

"Julia! Where are you?" he shouted desperately, his voice muffled by the pouring rain. Where was she! He had to find her before she … It's too cold. She might freeze to… No! He stopped himself from thinking of such things. But who could be optimistic at this moment? He couldn't think anymore. Maybe he had totally gone insane.

"Julia!" he can no longer hold back his tears. Julia might be dead and it was all his fault. He fell down to his knees and finally gave in to the inevitable. He shook almost violently because of his sorrow. The love of his life might be gone…

… And just when he thought everything was lost, he finally saw her, lying unconscious on the ground.

He ran to her and almost died when he finally held her in his arms. He hugged her to him, rocking back and forth, clinging as if she were his lifeline.

"I'll never let you go again," he whispered to her ear, though he knew he couldn't hear him. His heart swelled when he realized that she was still alive, although she's very weak. Her lips were turning to a deep shade of purple and she was deathly pale. He removed his cloak and ignored the wind slicing through his back. He covered her with it and lifted her in his arms. He had to get her to safety. He could barely see a thing and the cold white mud was already knee-deep. He didn't know where to go. He desperately looked into her face, and he felt something stir inside him. A new burst of energy surged through his whole body.

He had to save her.

He ran as fast as he could, blindly searching for a cave, a crevice or any form of shelter. He finally bumped into one and he carefully crawled inside.

He had to be strong. He was their only hope for survival. She started shivering and Richard just continued to hold on to her while rubbing her arms to warm her up.

"You're with me now… I'll keep you safe."

----------------------------------------------------

"Hey, guess who." the 11-year-old boy asked playfully as he covered his friend's eyes with his hands.

"_Quit it Richard!" she exclaimed as she swatted away his hands._

"_Ooh… no need to be angry. I was only joking," he said cheerfully while taking a seat beside the girl. Suddenly he noticed tears in her eyes. _

"_Julia? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly. _

"_Nothing," she answered calmly as she hurriedly wiped the tears away._

"_C'mon, you can tell me. No secrets remember?"_

"_It's nothing important, really." She looked into his eyes and saw the sincerity and the kindness in them. "It's just that… I … I went to your house this morning and… I heard about…"_

_Richard looked away for a moment. She heard the conversation between him and his father. "Oh… so you know about…"_

"…_Yes…"_

"_I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you earlier… but my father really wants me to be a soldier…like him," he said seriously as he lay down on the grass._

"…_So when are you going to leave?"_

"_Next month."_

"_Oh," she said sadly, she looked as if she's going to cry any moment now. He noticed this and suddenly sat up to put one of his arms on her shoulders._

"_Hey, it's not as if we won't see each other again. I'll be home for the holidays, I'll write to you every week!" he said cheerfully, trying to lighten up the mood._

_But it won't be the same; they both knew it. They have been the best of friends even before they barely knew how to talk. They were inseparable. Yes, they bickered a lot but most of the time, they enjoyed each other's company. _

"_Tell you what, I'll be the best there is. I'll be a general, and then I'll be your personal bodyguard when you become a famous pianist someday."_

"_I don't need a general to hang around and protect me," she mocked him a bit, a smile finally forming in her lips._

"_But that would be fun! I mean, those other soldier guys will be scared of me so they won't bug you or anything."_

"_Ha! You're just jealous. You don't have to be my bodyguard. I can take care of myself," she said indignantly._

"_No, but really!_ _I promise you. I'll be the best so I can always keep you safe," he blurted out, caused by a sudden gush of emotion. _

"_What? Why are you so protective anyway?" she also asked out of the blue._

_He didn't know what to say. He felt his cheeks warm up and he had to turn away from her so she won't see him blush._

"_It's ah… because I'm 3 years older than you. Therefore, I need to protect you," he lamely told her as an excuse. _

"_That's it? I need to remind you that you're 2 years and 11 months older than me," she teased him, challenging him to come up with a good reply._

"_I… um… tag you're it!" he couldn't think of anything else so he tagged her and ran away as fast as he could. _

"_Why you!_ _I'll get you for that!" she shouted. Was her best friend weird or what!_

_--------------------------------_

Richard awoke from his silent reverie. He swore to be the best, for her. That was 14 years ago… had it been that long? He couldn't tell her that he loved her then; that he swore to keep her safe because she was the most important person in his world. He chuckled slightly at the thought. He had kept the secret for 14 long years. And when he finally admitted it to her, she was already in love with someone else.

For 14 long years, he struggled to be the best. He studied hard, worked hard, and fought hard. His endeavors made him the youngest general in the history of Galbadian army. But what would he do with the title now that what he's fighting for is out of his grasp? She was in love with a man that's not even half his rank. But ranks don't really matter in her heart. For her, Laguna Loire would always be the best, not him.

But hope springs eternal. He had learned a very important lesson that day. The moment he lost all hope, she suddenly appeared right in front of him. He mustn't lose hope. Maybe she'd learn to love him someday. Maybe she'll forget about him. Maybe the two of them are meant to be together.

Now that he's holding her in his arms, keeping her safe, giving her his warmth, he doesn't really care if she'd learn to love him or not. He loves her. That's all that matters.


	3. Pain

2

They spent the night inside the cave. Even as he dozed off from time to time, Richard still hugged Julia to him protectively, in an effort to share his body heat with her. She was still bundled up in his thick coat, but he covered her with the thermal pads that he had brought along with him on his survival kit. She wasn't shivering anymore and she seemed to be breathing normally. She was asleep. She muttered in her sleep occasionally but Richard just can't make out the words.

At that moment, he felt as though time froze in the cold weather. She was with him; she was his and everything was fine. He kissed the top of her head affectionately, wanting to make her to feel just how much he loves her.

But as the light entered their little haven, he realized that dreamtime is over. She was still not safe. He needed to get her back to the city, away from the danger and harsh climate. He placed his bag in front of him as he carried Julia on his back. It'll be more comfortable for the two of them that way, as his arms were numb because of holding on to her all night. It took him a while to stand because his whole body ached, but it didn't matter.

He squinted as he saw the sun's light but he thanked Hyne that the storm had stopped temporarily. The fiends hated the sun so they won't be bothering them much for now. Everything seemed to be getting brighter that day, and he was glad.

He used his compass to guide him on his trek back to his small vessel. He expected them to get there by nightfall if things stayed the way they were right now. He only hoped that he was lucky enough.

He had been walking for a good hour or so, when he suddenly felt Julia move on his back.

"Hmm… where… where am I?" she sounded so weak, but her voice was the best thing he had ever heard.

"I'm so glad you're awake," he said with a sigh of relief. "Don't worry, I'll get you out of here."

He was surprised when her arms suddenly fastened around his neck and she gave him a weak yet tight embrace.

"I knew you'd come back for me. I just knew that you would. I'm so happy you're here," she has never sounded this happy in her life.

"I made a promise to you didn't I?" his own emotions were preventing him to say more. He felt as though his chest would burst any moment now.

"But I can't sing for you right now. I'm sorry." He was suddenly confused. Maybe she was still delirious and that kept her from making much sense.

"It's all right, your voice is enough for me." He felt her sigh in his neck. He completely forgot all about his aches and pains.

"Please don't leave me again," she begged him, her arms tightening her embrace.

"I won't. I'll never let you go again," his voice almost shook with emotion as he touched her arm in reassurance.

Her breathing slowed down once more, he knew she was going to fall asleep again. He didn't bother to wake her up, letting her get the rest she needed.

"I…I love you…" she mumbled. Something was triggered inside him and a tear fell from his eyes. He stopped on his tracks as he felt her words reach his own heart. He had waited so long to hear those words.

"What... what did you say?" he asked, unable to stop himself from doing so.

"I said… I love you." He was the happiest man in the world.

"I love you, Laguna Loire."

She finally fell asleep, her head contentedly resting on his shoulder. At that same moment he felt a knife, slice through his heart as he saw his dreams get shattered to pieces.

She thought he was another man.

The embrace did not belong to him, the words of love she uttered were not meant for his ears to hear. He never knew that hearing those three precious words from her for the first time would actually break his heart.

He had to struggle to walk as his feet suddenly felt like a ton each. To make things worse, rain started to fall again… but he didn't realize that they were nothing more than his own tears.

------------------------------------------

Things started to get bad, and when he thought they couldn't get any worse, they did. He was already drowning himself in his loneliness and self-pity when the hailstorm started once more. He was walking for 4 hours straight; He was tired, weary and heartbroken. He almost felt that the weather matched his mood. He couldn't stop himself from shivering slightly for he felt hollow and cold; and his love for Julia was not enough to warm him.

The snow-like mud was almost reaching his knees and he knew that fiends might come out since the sun was gone. Looking at how grim everything was, he thought that it would be best to stop and rest for a while. Maybe a short rest was all he needed.

He carefully placed Julia on a comfortable position on the ground, making her lean on the solid wall. He picked up some weeds, sticks and other things that he would need to make a fire. After three tries, he finally succeeded and he sat down across the pianist to appreciate his work. As his shivering abated, he couldn't help but look at her and see that she looked quite satisfied despite their current situation. She was asleep, wearing his coat, and on the same cave as he was yet her mind was still with that lost soldier she gave her heart to. How could life be this ironic? She was so near yet so far from him. She was living on this illusionary world she didn't fully intend to create. She was delirious after all.

He had to get over his self-pity and he knew it. If he really loved her then seeing her happy would be his best interest, even if it were on his own expense. However, at that moment, it was too painful. He just realized how much she loved another, and how hopeless it was for her to find her happiness with him instead.

He focused his mind on something else as he tore away his gaze from her. He reached for his knapsack and got some instant food he brought with him. Surely their metabolic rate had increased as they are in a cooler climate. They have already missed several meals and if they don't get to eat anything then their energy levels will be totally depleted. He knew this as it had been discussed over and over again during his classes in military school.

After a while, his can of soup was finally ready to be eaten. He inched closer to Julia and nudged her gently.

"Wake up. Time to eat, sleepyhead," he said, forcing himself to lighten up. After a minute, she started to stir and she rewarded him with her sweetest smile.

"Good morning," she sighed as she reached for his face.

"You need to eat to regain your strength," he told her as he spoon-fed her. She agreed willingly although she ate very slowly. She was still weak.

"Laguna… I never thought you could cook," she said with a grin before she took another spoonful of the soup Richard fed her.

He almost winced when he heard her refer to him as Laguna once more. She was still in her illusionary world and she was happy. What right did he have to wake her up and sadden her?

"Actually, you're eating canned soup. But I'm glad you liked it," he said with a small laugh. If a Laguna was what she wants, then he'd be a Laguna for her.

"Yeah… I thought so…" she grinned again then she leaned on his shoulder. She let out another contented sigh and looked as if she's going to fall asleep again. He let her sleep, thinking that she had eaten enough. She nearly finished the soup he gave her. He carefully ate his share, which was whatever she left and gave in to a quick rest.

He knew that it would be like taking advantage of her if he continued to go along with her game. But what could he do when she was deliriously out of her mind? He doesn't really have any other choice. He had to accept her love as another man for the meanwhile. This is the only chance he'd get. Once she's back to her right frame of mind, he'd be Richard again, a man she once loved, but only as a close friend. As Laguna, he'd be the man she loves with all her heart.

That's all he has now. It's probably the only chance he'd ever get. He'd take her love, that's meant for another man. It would be better than throwing away the love that she's willing to give.

------------------------------------------------

After barely an hour of rest, Richard continued his trek once more. He knew that he had already wasted time – which was very crucial at that moment. Their rations will be all used up by the next day and Julia's condition might worsen. The snowstorm might also get worse. They really had to get out of there.

He had hoisted up Julia on his back again and used a stick to help him walk. He didn't want to admit it but he was also getting weaker and he didn't know when his body would finally give out. He was very determined and he didn't want to ever break his promise to Julia but he's still human. Humans break when they over exert themselves. But if he had to be a God to save Julia then he'd be one. Just like how he's willing to be the infamous Laguna Loire for her.

His thoughts were briefly stopped when a Vysage with a Lefty and a Righty confronted them. They were surrounded. He knew he had to flee, but they'd follow them anyway. He had to finish them or at least injure them so he could have more time to get away from them. Julia was still on his back, and he was afraid that she might get hit once the monsters decide to hit him there. He grabbed his gun and fired at the Lefty that was behind him, then as quickly as he had done that, he turned around and fired at the two other fiends. They moaned in agony

Because of his rough movements, Julia stirred in his back. She groaned a little and she seemed to sense that something was wrong.

"Laguna…" He could hear the fear in her voice.

"I'm fine. Hold on tight to me, you hear. We're going to be fine," Richard told her as his eyes were gazing intently at his opponents. He needed to know which one would attack next.

The Lefty was ready to grab him and he was quick enough to avoid it. Next time, he might not be too lucky. He saw a weak spot and fired once more. The lefty writhed for a while then it vanished to thin air. 1 down, 2 to go. Galbadian officers were trained to be ruthless in combat. They may not have the gift of magic, unlike the Estharian soldiers but their weapons and strength were boosted up to their maximum capacity.

The Right hand suddenly aimed for his back and he turned around as quickly as he could to receive the blow on his front instead. He almost fell but he retorted with another well-aimed shot. The Vysage was about to cast a spell but the general was too fast for it. He shot it between the eyes and it died almost instantly.

"Laguna? Is it over?" she murmured to him, "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine," he said while touching his sore chest. His knapsack served as armor so didn't get the Righty's blow in full force. But it was painful; he thought it might even form a bruise.

"I was worried about you. I didn't know what to do if you ever get hurt," Julia said and he felt a tear fall on his shoulder. "At nights, I thought about you. Wondering if you were all right. It had been months since you left… I knew you'd come back; you promised me. But…" she stopped for a while as she took a deep breath. She usually does that to keep the tears from falling.

Richard had to reach behind him to wipe away her tears as her head was laid on his shoulder. "Hush. It's all right."

"No it's not… Every night, every moment, I think of you. But I can't help but wonder, what if you got injured? What if you're hurt? Who'll take care of you? Are you still alive?" she said with much emotion it pinched his heart.

She was always concerned about him. He wondered if she thought of _him_ the same way when he was sent on missions and such. He later realized that she probably didn't, after all, he's not that important for her.

"I always think about you too, wherever I go," he told her what was in his heart, what was inside the heart of General Richard Caraway. He knew that it would reach her, thinking it came from the man she loved, but it didn't really matter for him. He just wanted to reassure her that someone thought of her just as much.

As the tears died down, he expected her to fall asleep once more, but he was surprised when she spoke after a few minutes.

"Sometimes, I imagined you there, watching me. Your eyes were looking at me intently as I sang my… song for you. The song I told you about, remember?" she said dreamily.

Of course Richard didn't have the memories. "Yeah?"

"Eyes on me, I… that song's for you. It was my last attempt to get you back. Maybe you'd hear it and return, like you have promised… to see me sing live. I put my whole heart into it Laguna… and it worked right?" she told him softly as she tightened her hold on him.

It was the song that made her famous. Every person in Deling, and probably the whole world must have heard it at least once. You could hear it anywhere. It was the most beautiful song he had ever heard. And he was sure that if he were Loire, he'd get up and go back to her, even if he was 6-feet under. He knew that it was bad to think ill of other people but he's a soldier himself. He knew the risks that all of them take.

"Yes…" the words came out painfully from his mouth. He'd give up anything just to hear her sing her song for him, even just once as he had often wished. Yet then he perfectly knew that she was addressing the true person it was dedicated to. He knew it was bad to lie to her and get her hopes up but what could he do? He couldn't hurt her. He just prayed that she'd forget everything once she wakes up.

"I love you Laguna."

"… I love you too…"

-----------

Nighttime came once more and the pair settled inside a cave. The winds were fast and furious and can be heard roaring loudly, even from inside the cave. Richard thought that tonight was the coldest night so far. His body felt cold, so did his heart.

After several attempts, fire finally formed on the sticks and weeds he had piled up. He tried to stop himself from shaking but his body had its own mind at that moment. He looked at Julia and noticed that she wasn't shivering – it's an indication that she could bear the cold. He didn't want to go closer to her and hug her to him like he did when he had first found her, just to seek her warmth. He felt that he took advantage of her situation too much already, and the least he could do was to leave her alone in peace. He took the cold as penance for all that he had done.

He looked at his knapsack and checked their supplies. Their rations will be finished by tomorrow. In his haste to rescue Julia a few days ago, he didn't get to pack more supplies. He didn't expect the rescue to take more than two days. However, he had some supplies in the boat he used to get to Salt Lake. If only he could get there sooner.

He got lost twice today because he avoided several fiends he saw as a threat on the way. It was a good thing that he found his way back but then it was already too dark so he had to stop yet again. If only he had perfect vision at night, he would've continued walking. He couldn't risk it; it would be better for them to stop. After all, he was not only putting himself at risk but Julia as well.

His feet felt very sore and he guessed that they were blistered already. He carefully stretched out his legs and massaged his calf. His whole body was in fact screaming in pain yet his only compensation was to see Julia fine, breathing and well. That's what his sacrifices are for anyway.

Julia suddenly murmured in her sleep. She shook lightly and Richard was so alarmed that he went beside her to hold her hand. He thought she was in pain, but as he looked closer into her face, he noticed a smile on her lips.

"I guess it's Loire again…" he thought bitterly as he sat down beside her and glanced at her direction. "But then if you're happy, I won't care."

"Who am I fooling?" he unconsciously said his thoughts aloud. He gently brushed away the hair from her face so he can get a look at her more carefully. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever known… and she had the most beautiful heart as well. He knew for they grew up together. They may have been apart for quite a long time but some feelings never change.

"This might be… this would be the last time I'll be looking at you like this again." His hands dropped from her face. It's hopeless. He can never be half the man Loire was no matter how much he tried to pretend.

His thoughts were stopped when he heard fiends making noises nearby. He was quickly on his guard as he cocked his gun and prepared himself for battle. He cautiously walked outside to face the enemy before they even get cornered and harmed inside their own shelter.

If he had stayed longer, he would've heard Julia utter not Laguna's name… but his.


	4. Guilt

3

Julia was tired. She was so tired. Yet she knew she had slept for a long, long time. She felt a bit cold. Had she left the windows in her room open again? Or was it snowing in Deling? She forced herself to open her eyes and she was surprised to see that she was inside a cave. She opened and closed her eyes as they slowly adjusted to the light. Her back ached because she slept on the hard floor. She sat up, leaned on the wall and saw the remnants of fire and burnt sticks. She was confused more and more each second.

Suddenly images flashed back on her memory. She was on a train. She was walking on a snowy field. She was desperately looking for Laguna Loire. She felt dizzy and fell unconscious.

She knew the consequences of what she had done. And she knew that back then, she was not in her right frame of mind. Who could've rescued her? Who was crazier than her to do such thing? The answer to her question was sitting across her.

He was sitting with his legs stretched out in front of him. His back was on the wall and his head drooped, a sign that he was asleep. His sable hair was a bit messy and partly covered his eyes. She also saw that he had dried up blood on his left cheek. He obviously had a cut there. There was another cut in his lower lip, as they seemed chapped and dry. His hands were tucked around his waist, a clear sign that he was feeling cold.

He looked so tired and vulnerable.

She got up and moved to his side when she realized she was wearing an oversized coat. His coat. She quickly removed it and covered him with it. The moment the cloth touched him, his head quickly moved upward and his eyes were suddenly wide-awake.

"Oh, Richard, I'm so sorry I woke you up!" she said in apology as she replaced the cloak around him firmly this time.

"No… I wasn't asleep to begin with… I... Uh… guess I did doze off for a few minutes," he replied with a grin as he shyly looked at her.

So Richard was her rescuer. She hadn't expected that. It was weird… She had been asleep the whole time and didn't know of him rescuing her but she did dream that she was rescued by…

"You called me Richard," he said in a surprised tone, as if it were important news.

"Well… yeah… you are Richard. Right?" Julia replied half jokingly as she gave him a confused look.

"No, no, that's not what I meant. If you called me Richard then… you're probably feeling better now" he told her with a weak smile.

Feeling better? "Was I sick? I feel quite all right," she quirked an eyebrow at him, "why? What happened? I hope I didn't bother you much."

Richard shook his head, "no, you were not a bother at all. You were just a bit delirious that's all."

Delirious? All the while, she dreamt of being rescued by… Oh no…

"Why Richard, what have I been calling you?" she asked worriedly as she placed her hands firmly on his arm.

He didn't answer her for a while, and when she saw a passing look of sadness, bitterness and pain in his eyes, she instantly knew the answer.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that you're all right," he said with yet another weak smile. "Are you hungry? I made some soup for you."

It wasn't a dream. She had unconsciously acted it out on her unsuspecting victim. She had painfully sliced his heart.

"Oh Richard… I'm…"

"You need to eat a lot to gain your strength. You've been asleep for quite a while. I think you got the early symptoms of extreme cold exposure. Good thing it didn't get worse." He deliberately cut her off and changed the topic. She knew that he didn't want to talk about it anymore. He had closed the book for the two of them.

He got up and the cloak fell on the floor. She picked it up and clutched it tightly to her chest; she whispered her apology to it, wishing that it would reach its owner.

She noticed that he limped slightly and there were several tears on the sleeve of his jacket. He got a can of soup and gave it to her before he turned away and looked for something to do.

"Richard? Are you all right? You're limping," she asked him worriedly. Could she have caused this?

"No, it's nothing. I just had… pins and needles," he replied with her back to her, "that's right. Pins and needles." There was uneasiness in his voice. She knew that he was feeling intense pain but decided to let him have his way for the moment. She knew that forcing him to admit he's feeling something wouldn't be too helpful anyway. He would just stubbornly brush her off and find his status insignificant. She quietly ate her soup as she watched him fix the contents of his knapsack. The awkward silence lasted for about 5 minutes, but for Julia, it felt like a decade.

Finally, she cleared her throat and asked, "So… how long have I been… delirious?" She nervously stirred the remaining contents of her soup as she waited for a reply.

"The whole day yesterday, I think," he curtly replied. She waited for a while to see if he'd say anything more. When he didn't she realized that maybe he was mad at her.

She placed the can down and crawled to him. She hugged him from behind and laid her head on his back – a gesture she normally did when they were younger. "Richard, I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me…"

She felt him stiffen in her embrace for a moment and then he craned his neck to look at her. "No, don't be sorry. I'm not mad at you. You did nothing wrong."

He sounded sincere yet she felt that he was being slightly cold to her, in a way. He was her childhood friend and he knew her from head to toe. Although they grew up and their feelings have changed, he was still the best friend she ever had. The fact that he risked his life to save hers was already a proof of that.

She had rejected his pledge of love a few days ago, and she unconsciously showed him how much she loved another man. Surely he was going through a lot of pain, caused by her, right now.

"About the fight we had the other day…"

"No, it's ok," he turned around to face her and solemnly took her hand in his. "It's all right. No hard feelings. I promise."

But she could see the pain behind his faint smile. They gazed at each other's eyes for a moment until Richard broke away. He zipped his bag and placed it slowly in front of him.

"I've estimated that we'd reach the boat I've brought with me in 5 hours, more or less. If the storm doesn't get worse or if we don't encounter too many fiends, I guess we'd get there about 2 hours earlier." He returned to his 'all-business' mode.

"I'm just wondering… how come you're on your own… I mean, shouldn't you be with a rescue team or something?" she asked curiously, deciding that she'd forget about everything since he kept changing the subject anyway.

"We're on our own. At least that's what the army told me," she could hear a tinge of bitterness in her voice.

She was shocked. He risked everything, just to save her. He rescued her on his own. And all she did was give him pain to repay his goodness.

"Richard…"

He stretched out his hand to her. "Ready to go? C'mon, hop on my back."

And he had carried her around. As if walking around on the muddy ground wasn't hard enough already.

"No, I can walk. I've burdened you too much already."

"Nonsense."

"No really, you don't have to worry about me," her eyes were cast down with guilt.

"All right, if you say so."

As the pair walked out the cave, she saw a blood trail, with about ten horns scattered about and a defeated hornless mesmerize lying on a corner. She had to close her eyes from the frightful scene. She ran hurriedly away from it for she knew that dead monsters usually disappear to thin air. This one hasn't so it's probably just badly injured.

"Hey, don't worry, it won't be able to hurt you anymore. It'll die in a few hours." He sounded so wicked yet his voice was laced with gentleness for her that Julia felt safe and sound.

She was very confused at that moment. She loved Laguna with all her heart but why was it that Richard made her heart beat faster? She had turned him down when he told her that he loved her a few days ago, even told him that they can be nothing more than friends but now that she's here and he's a few inches from her, trudging in the snow-like mud, her heart was telling her a different story.

Maybe she only felt thankful to him because he had saved her but… Richard was very dear to her. She spent the happiest days of her life with him, in their childhood while she only spent a night with Laguna…

After an hour of silent contemplation, she didn't know what to think anymore. She didn't know what to say. She didn't even know how she felt.

He suddenly fell down the cold ground and Julia ran to him as fast as she could. She knelt down beside him and held on to his shoulders to steady him. There were drops of blood on the ground and she saw that the wound on his cheek started bleeding again. He sucked air in short breaths and his eyelids were partly closed. He looked like he needed a day of sleep. She touched his cheek in an effort to stop the bleeding as her thick mittens absorbed the blood.

"Sorry…" he laughed a little, "I tripped."

She knew he felt worse than what he showed her and she got even more worried. "What if we stop for a while? You need to rest."

"We already wasted too much time, we need to get out of here before things get any worse." He struggled to get up and before Julia even had the chance to offer her help, he was already walking away from her.

They continued to walk in silence once more. Julia hugged herself as the wind blew harder and faster. She can't believe what she had gotten herself and Richard into. She then looked at her hand, where her mittens were and saw traces of Richard's blood. He was hurt because of her, as if hurting him herself was not enough. She tried to walk faster to be by his side. She had to talk to him whether he liked it or not, but the winds were too fast and the snow was high on her knees. They were already feeling a bit numb because she was not used to that kind of atmosphere. She finally got closer to him when he stopped and looked as if he was getting something from his knapsack.

"Richard? What's wrong?" she had to shout for him to hear. The winds were very furious.

He took out a small, rocket looking thing and held it firmly on his left hand. "I'm sending a flare signal"

She noticed his hands shaking and his lips were turning to a darker shade. She placed her hands over his gloved ones and she could still feel the coldness amidst all the cloth between them.

"…The… fiends… they … might leave… if I scare them… off… with … a signal," his voice quivered as he fought to say the words.

He then got her hand and gave her his gun. "…You… know… how to… use it… right?"

She was confused. Why was he giving her his gun? She knew how although she never used a gun before. Though she was confused, she took it anyway.

He looked into her eyes and she saw that his eyes looked dull. He looked so exhausted and helpless; she never saw him in this condition until now. As they got up, Julia held on to his hands tightly, making him understand that she had no plans of letting go. He held on to her hands as well and gave her a weak, reassuring smile.

"I promised that… I'd get… you out of …here. …Hold on… Just a... little…longer," she barely heard him say but it was like he needed the encouragement more than she did.

"I believe in you," she told him, with tears falling from her eyes. She never felt this much fear ever in her life. What's happening to Richard? What's going to happen to them?

After a while, the biggest miracle happened. Julia heard a chopper coming and surely enough; she saw it hovering above them. It slowly went down and more tears escaped from Julia's eyes. They were saved. The Galbadian army wasn't as cruel as she thought after all.

Richard didn't look as excited as she was and she had to nudge him and grab his shoulders to shake him.

"Richard! They've come to rescue us!" she had shouted at him.

He merely looked up and smiled a bit as he let Julia drag him to where the chopper landed. Just then, a group of monsters came their way, thinking that a big prey just came in. She heard gunshots and monsters screaming in agony. Richard seemed to have one last surge of energy as he instinctively covered her in an attempt to shield her from harm. Because of the chaos and confusion around her, her feelings suddenly got all jumbled up inside. She felt fear, pain, guilt, sorrow, happiness, love and all sorts of emotions that after she let out a shrill scream, everything around her turned black.

-------------------

She woke up about 5 minutes later and she shouted Richard's name. It was barely heard however as the sound of machines and air blades working double time filled the air. She was inside the chopper and they were hurriedly making a quick getaway.

She suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder and realized that it came from Richard. He was right beside her that she was almost leaning on him.

"We…made it," he said and Julia instantly threw her arms around him and sobbed in his chest. He placed a hand on her back and tried to soothe her. "It's …all right... now."

Another voice brought her back to reality.

"It's a good thing we found you, when we found you sir," A voice from behind Julia said. She wiped off her tears and looked around her. It was a soldier.

"Thanks men… if not for you…"

"President Deling dispatched us as soon as he heard what had happened. He said that he couldn't let his best soldier and … the most popular citizen of Galbadia to disappear just like that.

She heard Richard chuckle as the soldier continued, "But actually sir, even before the President gave orders, we were already planning to rescue you, even if we had to break protocols." Julia listened to them intently. General Caraway was respected and… loved by his men.

"How did you find us? When Richard… General Caraway didn't have a radar or a tracking device with him… since the army told him that he was in it alone."

"The flare signal ma'am."

So Richard's signal served a double purpose…

"We're sorry about how the monsters appeared out of nowhere. I made a mistake of hitting a 'nest.' I think it had scared you too much ma'am," The pilot said apologetically.

"Yeah good thing my guns were cocked and ready," the co-pilot admonished him a little.

"It's all right…" Julia breathed out in relief. She looked beside her again and saw Richard's head drooping to the side and partly leaning on the chopper's wall. She felt something tug in her heart and she was moved with sympathy. She gently pulled him to her and let his head fall on her shoulder as his body slowly leaned on hers. She placed her arms around him and shifted to a more comfortable position.

She didn't care much about the other people in the chopper (and they were preoccupied with other things anyway.) She just held him close in an attempt to make _him_ feel safe, the other way around. She gently placed one hand on his head and gently brushed away the loose locks of hair from his forehead. She then unconsciously hummed a tune of a famous love song.

It's over and they won. They had survived. Richard kept his promise, till the very end.

But now that one thing's over, she is faced with another predicament. How is she supposed to deal with Richard now? She owed her life to him and she owed him a big apology because of all the pain she had caused him, both consciously and unconsciously. Should they go on with their lives and put everything behind them? Just like that? That's simply not possible.

But it would be wrong for her to suddenly love him out of gratitude… she would just fool him and herself. She would play a game of make pretend… or would she really? Richard's not a hard man to love especially since she had known him all her life. They were the best of friends. They only got separated 14 years ago when Richard had to leave for the army.

She somehow felt betrayed when he told her that he loved her back then when he promised to be 'the best' to her. They were supposed to be best friends, nothing more, nothing less. She was filled with shock at that moment and that might have caused her anger. She was wrong. She shouldn't have been angry with him. They were only human. Humans make mistakes; humans fall in love.

She gasped out aloud when Richard suddenly fell down limply on her lap. His skin felt cold to her palm and he looked clammy. She quickly got the attention of the soldier beside her.

He took out a small flashlight and opened one of the general's eyelids as Julia held on to the fallen man's hands and almost did not feel his weak yet speeding pulse.

"Dilated pupils," the soldier mumbled as he checked his pulse rate. He had a bluish pallor and he took in quick and shallow breaths. The soldier helped Julia stretch out Richard to a more comfortable position, with his head pillowed in her lap.

"Captain, this looks bad," she heard him say as she quickly loosened Richard's clothes.

"What's wrong lieutenant?" the co-pilot asked, worry evident in his voice.

"General Caraway is showing early signs of shock. Must've been caused by over exposure to the cold… wait." The soldier stopped after he saw patches of blood in the officer's shirt.

"Might be traumatic shock. I suggest we make an emergency landing at the nearest city."

They all sounded serious and it was enough for Julia to realize that Richard was in grave danger. He just might die.

She prayed. She prayed to all the gods and prayed all the prayers she knew. She'd give up anything just for him to be saved, for him to live. In the middle of all the confusion that's happening at that moment, she finally got one thing clear.

She can't live without him.


	5. Sorrow

Julia looked tiredly at the light outside the emergency room. Several hours had passed and there was still no news about Richard's condition. She hugged herself as she remembered how cold he was and how violently he shook the moment he was placed on a stretcher. She ran inside the hospital with the soldiers in a daze and she couldn't even keep her thoughts away from the general as several doctors and nurses examined her. After she was given some medicine and warm, comfortable clothes, she sat outside the emergency room instead of getting rest. Nurses came and offered her some food but she ate very little. The things she took in were all tasteless and so she didn't really realize that the water she drank was actually oral dextrose. The doctors were worried about her condition but because of the determination in her eyes, they let her wait outside the emergency room as she pleased.

"…_Protocol ma'am…"_

She remembered the soldier's words to her when she asked him a question after letting him take charge of Richard's gun.

"… _It's necessary for someone to give his weapons or anything that is essential to his companion's survival once he feels that he is going to be debilitated or about to collapse soon."_

Richard knew all along that his body was failing already.

She unabashedly let the tears fall from her eyes. She was filled with guilt and sadness. The best friend she ever had was dying and there was nothing she could do about it. In fact, she had even caused his condition. If she had just stayed in Deling, if she had only thought rationally, if only she hadn't been stupidly reckless… then maybe Richard was safe on his office right at that moment, working, smiling. She was slightly mad at him for being so selfless but she was mostly mad at herself.

He always thought about her yet she now that she thought about it, she rarely did the same to him. He wrote earnestly to her often, even when he was in the academy but as the years passed, her replies had not been as heartfelt as usual. He had always frequented the bar yet she rarely noticed him… for her eyes were always on the missing emerald-eyed soldier. The bartenders often told her of the quiet general who watched her play the piano every night he could. They told her of the sincere admiration they saw in his eyes every time he watched her touch the ivory keys.

Richard was right. Why didn't she just see him instead? That could have stopped their hearts from breaking.

"Miss Heartily?"

It took a while for Julia to realize that a man called her attention as he stood in front of her.

"Y...yes?" she quickly stood up and looked at the doctors eyes intently.

"He's going to be all right now Ma'am. You can go to rest."

"Richard… he's going to be all right?" Tears fell from her eyes once more as she heard the news. "Are you sure? Are you telling me the truth?"

"Yes ma'am. But I'm afraid we have to keep him in the intensive care unit for a day or so. We are still stabilizing his body temperature and electrolyte level," the old man placed his hand on the pianist's shoulder in reassurance. "But all his injuries had been treated. It's up to his body to recover. But let me tell you that General Caraway is a fighter."

She sat down and breathed a sigh of relief. Richard was going to be fine.

"Is he conscious? May I speak to him?" she asked with a shaky smile. She had to tell him what she should've told him hours ago.

"I am afraid not Ma'am. He's still unconscious. It would be best to let him rest for a few days. We recommend that you see visit him after three days when he's already in his private room. As for you Miss Heartily, I suggest you go to your own room and rest." The doctor bowed slightly to her and left.

Three days. That would be enough to thoroughly sort her feelings out.

"Three days Richard. I'll tell you how clearly I can see you in three days."

------------------------------------------------------

He felt horribly warm all over. A very intense fever ravaged his body so badly that he thought he was in hell. He didn't care though, since he was sure that Julia Heartily was all right. He tried to move his hands yet he cannot. He can't even open his eyes. He felt so weak and all his muscles cried out in pain. He didn't really know where he was at that moment but he was sure that he wasn't in heaven or hell. He knew that he was alive…or barely alive. He knew that a person couldn't feel pain when he's dead… or could he? He was very confused. If the pain would be stopped by death then he was more than ready to succumb to it.

"_Richard…"_

That voice. He'd recognize that voice anywhere. Sure it belonged to the most famous singer at that time but he had heard that voice ever since he was a young boy. His mind screamed her name and in the blackness that surrounded him, he suddenly saw a small streak of light.

"_I'm sorry Richard… It's all my fault you're hurt."_

She sounded so sad. He wanted to hold her hand to reassure her and to tell her that it was all right. His condition right now wasn't her fault to begin with. Sure he felt like he was in agony but he had to admit that he had been in worse conditions. Maybe death wasn't that necessary after all.

"_Please hang on for me…"_

He'd do anything for her. That was the only clear thought he had at that moment. If only he can command his body to agree with him.

"… _I have something important to tell you, you know?"_

Important? What could it possibly be?

"…_I need you Richard…"_

He knew he was dreaming but why did it seem so real? He wished it were real. Julia needed him…

"_Please…"_

...Julia…

"_I'm sorry. I have to go now."_

He wanted to plead to her, to tell her not to leave. Julia. She was his only comfort in this abyss he was trapped in. Silent tears fell from his eyes as his only angel slowly left him and he went back to his dreamless slumber.

He knew he needed to recover. He needed to endure the pain. He had to.

The singer took one last look at the ailing general behind the glass window and left, hoping and praying that he heard her heart.


	6. Confusion

Richard sighed for the nth time that day. He was on his private room, staring at the window beside his bed. He watched the raindrops fall and heard the wind banging on the glass window. A week had passed and the rain still has not forgotten its fury. He only regained consciousness a few hours back and even though the doctor insisted that he get more sleep, he couldn't bring himself to do so. He felt warm all over, in contrast to the freezing coldness he felt in Salt Lake. He could feel his eyes burning because of the fever and his vision swirled from time to time but he really could not force himself to sleep.

Julia

He saw her in his dreams. Did she really visit him? A nurse had informed him that he was in the intensive care unit for a few days and he was delirious whenever he awoke. But he could've sworn he heard Julia talk to him.

"Richard…?"

That voice. It was exactly like the one he heard. It was really Julia's voice; he cannot be mistaken.

"Richard?"

Richard was surprised to see her standing by his bed when he turned his head to face her. She looked as beautiful as ever. Her hair was down and loose and she wore a sweater that matched the blue sky.

"Are you all right? Why aren't you resting?" the man asked, partly in surprise, partly because he didn't really know what to say.

"Richard, you're the one who had to be operated on, placed in the ICU unit, suffered dehydration, starvation and shock, and is now having a fever caused by Hyne-knows-what… and you're asking me why I am not resting?" she told him in a partly angry voice as she stared down at him.

He had a plaster on his cheek and an IV was hooked on his left wrist. His legs were covered in bandages as the doctors discovered mild frostbites and blisters on his feet. She knew that other parts of his body were covered in bandages for she could see them underneath his thin hospital robe. His breath was still a bit shallow and labored and the weakness of his voice was very noticeable. The doctor explained as clearly as he could to Julia what his current condition was and it made her feel worse. How could he be in such a terrible condition when she suffered nothing more than a few scratches and a cold?

"…Hey… you make it sound so bad," he smiled at her annoyance; how he missed her.

"But Richard… it is." Her head was cast down and tears were welling up in her eyes. "I hate you Richard, you made my cry buckets of tears…" she partly joked. She didn't expect their meeting to be like this. She practiced what to tell him, but now that he was there, awake, and she was beside him, everything changed.

He didn't know what to say or do. He just stared at Julia and struggled to be on a sitting position. The least he wanted was to make Julia Heartily shed tears for an undeserving man like him. "Julia, I'm sorry."

"No! You did nothing wrong. Damn it Richard! You've always been right." Silence passed for a minute as Julia sat down on the chair beside his bed.

"Julia?" he reached out to hold her hand and she returned the gesture placing her other hand on his forehead to brush away the hair away from his face.

She noticed how warm he was and how flushed he looked. He was alive. He was with her. "Richard… I want you to know that I see you."

"I see you. Yes. That's what she said," the voice at the back of his head told him. See him? He was confused for a while, until he remembered their conversation sometime ago.

"When you got sick… I was so scared. I thought I had lost you forever. I was devastated when Laguna left but… Richard, I realized that… if I lost you, I...I don't think I'd survive."

He had to look away from her. Was it a dream? Was he delirious again? Just when he finally promised to let her go, just when he thought it was already clear to him that she loves Laguna Loire and she can never love him like the way he loves her.

"Julia… you'll never lose me. You know that."

"But Richard!" she suddenly turned away from him in frustration. "I was so scared… You were shaking and you were so cold… You could've died… You could've died with nothing but painful memories from me." The unstoppable tears came no matter how much she tried to hold them back. "I'm so sorry Richard."

He had to inch closer to the edge of the bed to wipe her tears. "Julia… that could've been better than to see you cry now because of me." She was wrong. His most painful memories might have come from her, but the happiest ones were also from her.

"No Richard, you're very important to me, can't you see? I never knew how valuable you were to me till Hyne almost took you away."

He could feel tears building up in his own eyes.

"Richard, I'm sorry I didn't value the love you gave me." He sacrificed everything just for her. She felt it that it was right to return the favor by giving herself to him. When her tears finally died down, she prepared herself to tell him.

"Let's start all over again… I trust you with my heart."

She's willing to love him. But there is a major difference in being willing to love someone than to give her heart willingly. She's unconsciously locking herself up in a cage and he knew that he could never forgive himself if he let her do just that. What if he couldn't make her happy? What if his love wasn't enough? What if he no longer had the strength to let her go?

"No."

Julia's heart froze. What did he say?

"No Julia, I cannot accept." The painful words came out from his mouth. This was the worst thing he had ever done in his life, but he knew he had to do it for their own good. If his old self could've heard him, he might have shot him on the spot. Just when the thing he had longed for fourteen long years presented itself in front of him in a silver platter, he rejected it like some hot burnt pancake.

Her heart broke at his words. She had now lost everything. "Why… why Richard? Is your love not there anymore for me to claim? Am I too late?" She hated herself. Had she hurt him too much to make him hate her? No. How can she live now?

"No… it's not there to be claimed… because you've had it all along." He could still see the confusion and the hurt in her eyes. "I still love you, more than ever before Julia."

"Then why?" her eyes were cast down in confusion, pain and sadness.

"Look at me." He reached out and placed his hand on her cheek and gently nudged her to face him. "Look into my eyes and tell me that you don't love Laguna Loire anymore. Tell me that I am who you see, not him."

She looked into his eyes, just like what he told her to yet the words never came. She tried so hard but she simply can't. Laguna was like a stubborn stain that won't leave the deep recesses of her soul.

"I thought so." He gave her a weak smile then suddenly let her go; he glanced back at the raindrops in the window in an effort to calm himself. "I love you Julia… But I am a very selfish man. I will have all or nothing." He can't just let her give a small part of herself while the bigger part longs and waits for that missing soldier. It would be like tearing her apart. It wouldn't be fair for the two of them.

She wiped away her silent tears. Why was this happening to her? She had never felt this devastated ever before in her life.

"Richard… I'm sorry…"

She had to run. Run away. She was utterly confused. She didn't know how she felt anymore. She ran outside Richard's room, ran outside the hospitals doors and finally felt comfort when her skin felt the stinging rain. Why can't she just order her heart to love Richard wholeheartedly to finally stop all the pain and the misery?

Laguna Loire might never come back. There could never be another ending but a sad one to their story of love.

Why?

Why?

Richard had asked himself the same question as he finally let his own tears fall. Why did he hurt the one he loved? Why didn't he just say yes and avoid hurting himself? The chance to have Julia's love, at least a part of Julia's love, may never come again. Why can't he just continue his game of make pretend? Why can't he just act out the character of Laguna Loire for her to love him forever?

"…Julia… why can't you just love me…" he almost cannot feel the tears amidst the pain. He couldn't even feel the beating of his heart… for his heart now lost its reason to move on.

-----------------------------------

Julia rode the train back to Deling the very next day. The doctors had assured her that the general would be fine even though his fever was still quite high when she left. She went to his room to say goodbye when she saw him almost hiding in his blankets because of his chills. She also noticed that she was not the only one with swollen eyes.

She told him that she had to go back to Deling since the media had been quite 'bored' without her. News about her disappearance had started to spread and she had to go back to clarify everything. He was a bit worried about her but after assuring him, he finally let her go. She scolded him a bit, making him promise to take care of himself. He said yes, and she kissed him goodbye, and then she left.

They had acted like the old times, when their feelings for each other had not yet been an issue. She guessed that it would have to do for now. Their friendship had been proven by time, and it would be the thing that would hold them together for it was currently the strongest bond between the two of them. She didn't know if they were really meant to become lovers or if friendship is the only thing that can be formed between them. But she knew that he would always be there for her and she just promised herself that she would do the same.

But then she continued to ask herself why she ran away from him. The media wasn't that important to her anyway, what they thought of her was never really her concern. She had an excuse to stay in the Timber Hospital and her manager was competent enough to keep the media off the situation. Richard was still quite ill and she just left him there. But she knew she just had to get away from him. She didn't know exactly why but she knew she had to. She didn't know if she was ashamed or if she was hurt by what he said. She knew she had to sort out her feelings once and for all.

At this point in her life, she was totally confused. Even in her younger years, the dilemma of choosing between two men never occurred to her. Sure men courted her here and there, especially when she became a bit popular in the Deling Hotel's bar, but never had she thought of giving away her heart or choosing which heart to take. She had always been a believer of true love and she knew that once she loved someone with all her heart, she'd love him for the rest of her life. But what would she do now that the one she offered her heart to was gone and another man appears in her life, ready to give his heart to her? She had stayed loyal to Laguna and politely turned down suitors as she started to become popular. But when her best friend told her finally that he was secretly among her long list of suitors, she didn't know what to do. She knew that Richard, unlike her other suitors, is true to her. He would never lie about his feelings for her. She had always thought that their feelings for each other were both platonic, and she didn't know that he had hidden his innermost feelings from her just because he realized that she loved someone else. But now that she wanted to give it all a try, he was the one who turned her down.

She must admit that she still longs for Laguna. She misses him terribly. When they had talked that fateful night in her room, she felt like the two of them knew each other for a whole eternity. He was everything she looked for in a man. He was sweet, kind, friendly, loose yet courteous at the same time. And those eyes… who wouldn't fall in love with those eyes?

But the thing that drew him to her was his words. No one ever knew, not even Laguna, but one day, she found a small journal on their usual seats when she offered to help the bar people to close up for the night. She had sinned against him by reading his deepest thoughts and feelings but she also saw the most heartwarming words that made her fall in love with him. He didn't lie when he told her that he wanted to be a writer. She saw how beautifully he had crafted the words and how vividly he had expressed his feelings in pen and paper. He made several poems for her and she knew, without doubt that the man was really in love.

But then she didn't even know if he _truly_ loved _her_. Maybe he fell in love with the Julia Heartily everyone knew but not too many understood. As she had read, she was the perfect goddess, the musical nymph, the object of his affection; the song of his heart… but was she really more than the dress and the voice? Was she more than the beautiful woman that weaved music with her hands for him?

She had always imagined life with Laguna to be like a fairytale. She's the princess, the damsel in distress that needs to be rescued by her knight in shining armor. Then he would serenade her, whisper words of love to her ears as they run through the meadows, forever youthful, forever in love. Sure they will live a simple life, but it would be filled with happiness and love. But was that enough? Was romance enough for a relationship?

She knew she was wrong to think that way. Fairytale romance can never happen in real life. Problems will come in the way; love can't stay youthful forever. Their life can never be perfect. What if his love for her was just as deep as a page in a journal? What if it's not strong enough to stay and not fade as time passes by?

Would he still love her when she no longer touches the ivory keys, or when her beauty had already faded away?

Would she still love him when his heart can no longer write poems of love, or when his love for her diminishes?

Richard

He had stayed with her through thick and thin. He told her that she can fool everyone else except him. He knew her. The real Julia Heartily, with the weaknesses, the flaws and all. He had never been a quixotic man (or at least showed signs of it.) And she never imagined herself in his arms. He was a friend, a playmate, an occasional rival and a savior. When they were children, he was often rude, dirty, and quite mischievous – normal traits of the usual boy, but as they grew up, he started to change and become an honorable man. He was not really a man of the arts. He didn't have any special artistic talents but was a great enthusiast. One thing that they agreed on was the fact that she played the piano so well, even at a young age, that he started to admire her and watch her play as often as he could. Unlike the other children, he was more focused (and performed better) on analytic things like mathematics, science, and even showed talent on archery and sharp shooting. When they were kids, he often helped her with numbers while she helped him with notes. They were not exactly opposites. Though they had different interests, they respected each other. She was a musician, and he appreciated music a lot. She was not a very 'accurate' person but she couldn't help but wonder how he manages to hit targets so accurately.

Richard never really told her or at least showed signs that he loved her more than a friend in their younger years… or maybe she was just too blind and innocent to notice. He gave her the weirdest gifts, pebbles he got from the places he had been, arrowheads that were said to be 'lucky charms' and several piano pieces he managed to get here and there. But then he was always there when she was down. Once in their teenage years, she was picked on by a senior classman and he went to the trouble of escaping from military school and traveling several miles just to get to her and scare off the poor guy. His father, who was a general, heavily reprimanded him but all he did was give her a sheepish grin and a wink and that was enough for her to know that everything was fine. When he was around, she felt safe. He had that way of making things right and being a 'no-sweat hero' kind of guy.

Richard had always concealed his feelings for her. She guessed that it was one of the reasons why she never entertained the thought of being more than a friend to him. But now she knew, she saw things in a different perspective. Her memories became clearer and she remembered more instances wherein he showed his love for her but she didn't notice.

Why does this have to happen now? Why only now? What should she do?

Only Hyne knows.

The man of her dreams versus the man in her memories – could she live with the dreams and forget the memories, or live with the memories and forget her dreams?

Author's notes:

Here's yet another inconsistency with the FF storyline. No, there was no diary/journal/whatever. It was just a device that was supposed to make Julia fall desperately in love with Laguna…because … I think it doesn't make sense that she just falls in love with him when they talked in that hotel room… (or did they just talk….? snicker)

Laguna: Why you little….!

Oh that's …er…it for now. Hafta run!

LAGUNA! GO AWAY! (sibling rivalry… sigh….)

Thank you for reading!


	7. Exhaustion

"Caraway! What the hell are you doing here!" A tall man with blonde hair asked as he saw the pale General enter the office with several envelopes and boxes in his hands.

" Just what it looks like Martine, I'm returning to the gates of hell with you. Not like I'm letting you get all the fun," Richard said dryly as he placed his things down and checked the papers in his desk. "So how are things here right now?"

"Whoa there mister. Didn't you just come home from the hospital two days ago? What are you doing back here? Caraway! Go back to your mansion this instant!" Martine grumbled. The two have been comrades for quite some time now and he couldn't help but worry about the man in front of him.

"Is that a way to talk to your superior officer?" Richard said, wanting to annoy him a little. "General Leo's down with the flu. President Deling's probably going ballistic right now because of the lack of people on duty. " He sat down on his table and looked as if he was ready to read the big pile of papers in front of him.

"Please, I beg you. Enough with that dry humor of yours." It took all Martine's discipline not to literally shake some sense into the crazy man. He and his comrades were perfectly aware of what just happened to him. In fact, he was one of the soldiers who planned to rescue him though he was still active in his mission in the southern Galbadian region. "Richard! Are you out of your mind! That guy has a runny nose, and you almost got your feet amputated and you're here, looking over those darn files. What entered that insane head of yours that you decided to go to here?"

A lot of things, he wanted to say. He knew that he couldn't continue to sit idly inside that dim and lonely hospital. He just can't continue drowning himself on his loneliness and dream of things he knew he can never have. He knew he needed to stop pretending, and face the reality. He just needed to forget.

"Hey, it's not like I'm dying or anything…"

"You were…like, one week ago!"

"Calm down, I'm fine. No one dies of reading. If you don't shut up, I'm going to file a case of insubordination."

"Whatever Caraway! I'm not letting you commit suicide. Damn, I hate you and all that but I wanted to kill you with my bare hands, and I swear I even want to do just that this very instant!"

The general shrugged and just continued to go over the papers. Martine was a good friend and it almost pleased him to know how concerned the man was for his condition. He knew what was going on; he knew that he was acting like a total lunatic. He couldn't blame Martine when he looked as though he wanted to punch him unconscious and kick him to a sickbay.

He knew that his body needed to rest and be healed, but he was also aware that he needed to mend his heart more. And the only way he knew how to do so was to work. He needed work, any work. That was why he decided to go to on duty as soon as he was released from the Hospital in Timber, barely 2 weeks from his admittance. His superiors had told him to get the rest he needed but also hinted that he had to recuperate soon for more soldiers were needed in Southern Galbadia. The Esthar soldiers and the Galbadian Military troops have been having heated battles and more men get sent to the hospitals than in the war zone. He assured his superiors, namely president Deling and several other Senior Generals that he was capable to go on duty already. He also told them that he wanted to go as gratitude for their consideration in rescuing Julia and him in Salt Lake. But in truth, he wanted to repay whatever he owed them as soon as possible because he knew the true color of the Galbadian army; they never do a favor without a payment with interest.

"Richard! You'd be in a stretcher before you even finish one folder!" Martine seemed as though he got tired of ranting and decided to sit on a chair across the general and let him do, as he wanted.

He knew that his friend had just come from a sickness and the loss of weight and his pallor were proofs of that. But he also noticed another thing, now that his anger was slowly dissipating, letting his eyes see once more. He saw a picture of a broken man. The proud General Caraway now had slumped shoulders, and dull, dimmed eyes. It lacked the enthusiasm and the bright spark it once had. It was as though his life was taken away from him. At first he thought it was because of the pain – his injuries might have made him weak and tired but as he observed silently, he realized that it was not caused by ordinary pain. It seemed as though there was a thorn, digging down his heart, wounding him mortally. It drained a lot out of him.

"Do I have dirt on my face or are you carefully thinking of other ways to kick me back home?" Richard asked when he noticed Martine's scrutiny.

He couldn't reply at first for he didn't know how to phrase his words. There was only one person who had this sort of power over him. There was only this one girl who knew how to make him fly to the heavens or burn in hell.

"So how's beautiful Ms. Heartily?" he almost saw Richard wince at the mention of her name. "I mean, you better tell me that she's fine or else I'd really punch you now!" He quickly added to lessen the tension in between them. He didn't know if it worked or not but he had to cross his fingers behind him.

"She's ok. She's probably working right now." Richard said as he turned away from Martine, obviously hinting that he wanted to avoid the conversation.

"That's good. I couldn't expect less from you." Martine's words were half meant as he realized how deep his friend's problem was. His going on duty was not only on the grounds of insanity, the man was deeply heart broken.

"Hey, just remember that I'm your lowly subordinate a.k.a. servant so you can talk to me anytime ok?"

Richard saw Martine's effort and smiled a tired smile.

"Thanks"

Work. He needed to work. He tried to shake off Julia from his thoughts but realized that she had a deep imprint on his heart.

Moving on wasn't easy. Moving on without her was hell.

A few minutes passed before the silence was broken once again. One of the secretaries went to Richard's desk and was almost surprised to see him there.

"Back on duty sir?" the secretary asked tentatively and Richard didn't look up from what he was reading and just gave her a nod.

"Told you so… Mr. thick headed" Martine said softly from his desk.

Richard simply shrugged and looked at the secretary. "What is it? Is there a note for me?"

"A file you requested arrived this morning, sir." She said softly, with a hint of reluctance in her voice, as she moved closer to hand over the files.

"Which file is it?"

With uneasy eyes, she timidly placed the folder in the general's desk. "The one about the possible whereabouts of Lt. Laguna Loire"


	8. Happiness

"…Yes, and thank you for coming to our victory party. If not for you guys, Julia's album wouldn't have topped the charts and we couldn't have gotten this award… right Julia?" her manager had to nudge her to bring her back to reality.

"Wha…Oh… yes. Thank you very much." The crowds cheered more loudly after her statement. "Thank you for buying my album".

It took her more than ten minutes to finish with the photo ops and signing autographs for her eager fans. Once she was done, she hurriedly rode the car, wanting to go back home as soon as possible.

"Julia Heartily! What was the matter with you back there? You certainly were distracted during the press conference today," Her manager shook his head slightly to emphasize his point, "was it too early for you? But you were the one who requested that it be scheduled earlier than ten am."

"No …I'm sorry. I just wanted to keep the day off." She looked out the window as if to compose her thoughts. "I have nothing left scheduled for today don't I?"

"Well, there is that music festival tonight. However, it's an all male event thing and you can not go… it would be good if you went because…"

"I'm sorry, I can't. I won't go there tonight. I have to visit a friend you see." Julia looked at her manager with pleading eyes and smiled only when he nodded.

"I want to visit Richard today. I want to see if his fever is gone or if he has fully recovered."

"Oh…that handsome devil General Caraway eh?" her manager grinned knowingly, "Well I guess that appointment would be worth more than the stupid music festival tonight."

She just shook her head at his playful comment. "I plan to catch the first ride to Timber today."

"Oh no Heartily! I'm not letting you ride another train do you hear me?"

"I'll be fine," she laughed, "I'll just visit General Caraway in the Timber hospital. He's confined there."

"Well then, I'll go with you. I want to extend my gratitude to that fellow…and I want a glance on his pretty face too." Her manager laughed gaily and slapped her playfully on her upper arm. She just nodded and directed the driver to go to her house first. She wanted to change to more comfortable clothes.

She was surprised to see a man waiting at her doorstep when she got down the car minutes later. He looked vaguely familiar…

"Ms. Heartily?" the tall man wore a military uniform and looked as if he wanted to give her a salute.

"Yes sir?" she tried to remember where she saw the man yet she couldn't quite…

"You probably don't know me ma'am, but General Caraway introduced us once. I'm Martine." He gave her a slight bow as a sign of respect. He sighed in relief when he saw a hint of recognition in her eyes.

"Oh right! Martine. I remember now. Your desk was right beside Richard's." she shook his hand and smiled at him when she suddenly froze and her heart thudded nervously. "Wait. Did something happen to Richard? Please tell me."

"No ma'am, he's actually in the office right now, buried under a pile of papers," he grinned slightly, while a voice at the back of his head nagged him to ask her to convince the stubborn general to go back home and rest. "He just wanted me to give you this note."

"He's working now? He's impossible! The doctor said he should…" the fear in her heart was replaced with anger as she remembered how obstinate he can be. She stopped herself from ranting as she probably might have embarrassed Richard to his comrade. "I'm sorry. It's just that…"

"I perfectly understand ma'am." Martine awkwardly rubbed the back of his head. "Here is the note ma'am."

She carefully unfolded the note and read what it said.

_Julia,_

_There is a pleasant surprise waiting for you in Winhill. I'm sorry for I cannot bring you there myself. However, I would like to wish you all the love and the happiness. Please be safe. _

_That is all for now. Good bye_

_Richard _

She read the note thrice before she finally looked up to Martine with confused eyes. "A surprise? For me?"

"He told me to tell you that _he _is in a vacant house beside the Pub in Winhill."

"He? Richard?" she asked, tilting her head a little. Richard can be quite an enigma sometimes.

"I do not know the details ma'am. He just told me to relay that exact message. Anyway, I have to return to headquarters now ma'am." He gave her a snappy salute

"Martine wait, is Richard … I mean, General Caraway feeling better now?" she asked worriedly as she held back his arm to get his attention.

He didn't reply for a while and looked as if he was thinking hard for a suitable answer. "He's carrying on ma'am. He's been through many battles and almost got himself killed. But he's carrying on just like how he did back then" … with a heavy heart, he added silently to himself.

"Then I must go visit him and…"

"I would suggest you look at his _surprise_ first then go visit him later to… show him how you feel." He mentally slapped himself when he realized he might have given away too many hints, "like…your gratitude I mean."

"Julia? Is everything fine there?" Julia's manager from the car.

Julia nodded at Martine as he said goodbye again and walked away.

"There's been a change of plans. I'm going to Winhill."

----0-----

The young woman in the potpourri shop was kind enough to let her rest for a while in her bench, Julia thought, and it was a good thing that she did not recognize her too. The media might suddenly track her down and she may disrupt the peace and quiet in the small town. It seemed egocentric for her to think of such things – however it all happened before. Besides, even the smallest of ruckuses might prevent her from seeing Richard's "pleasant surprise."

"Excuse me, but has a man been to that house beside the pub lately?" Julia asked curiously, eager to know what Richard has been up to.

"Well, that house had been vacant for quite a while now, since…well… since an accident. But a man recently moved in. He's quite a strange fellow. He was brought here, badly injured and he claimed that he got that from jumping off a cliff!" the woman chuckled as she remembered that fateful day.

"A cliff you say?" Julia gasped, somehow astonished by what she heard. "Why would one man do such a thing?"

"There were three of them actually, or so he claims. He said they were trying to escape certain death!"

"Oh…but that must have been a terrible experience, nonetheless."

"Yeah, I would guess so too. However," the woman paused and smiled, "If he hadn't been in that condition, maybe he wouldn't have ended up here."

Julia wondered how this story was connected to Richard's surprise. Something at the back of her head screamed the answer yet she couldn't quite figure out how the puzzle fits into place.

Suddenly, she saw a beautiful woman go outside the pub with a cute little girl following in tow. She seemed to have a small tray in her hands and was about to go to the vacant house.

"He sure keeps her on her toes!" the woman said, bringing Julia back to the conversation. "I would say Raine's life had been pretty calm…even dull if you'd ask me. That is until Mr. Strange-r came to Winhill."

"You mean that as a good thing…right?" Julia asked, getting more and more curious.

"Yeah, I guess. Raine had been a close friend of mine for as long as I can remember and I can say I've never seen her as happy as she is now. Sure she gets irritated a lot by his crazy antics, but he's like… how should I put it…?"

"Like the spark to liven up her existence?" Julia suggested.

"Yes, although it's more of an electric shock if you'd ask me! That guy can be a powerhouse!" She mellowed down a bit and added, "But you know, I think he needs a gal like Raine to keep him calm…and away from trouble."

Julia chuckled as she imagined it in her head. Such liveliness in a quiet town like Winhill can be quite different – different in a good way. It somehow reminded her of the way…

"Look! There they go again!"

He was so animated when he told his stories. It was like anything he touched would come alive… he was… he was …

"Raine! Look I can even play hopscotch now."

That voice… that hair…those eyes…

"Laguna's getting Raine riled up again." The woman beside her laughed as she saw the man's funny antics.

"I am not going to patch you up again if you hurt yourself do you understand?" the woman called Raine told him angrily as she looked torn between beating the man up or for preparing to break his fall in case he slips.

"Aw c'mon Raine, you're no fun!"

"Laguna…"Julia mumbled unconsciously, shocked to her wits.

"Yep, a strange name don't you think?" the woman asked Julia with a smile.

…_I'm sorry I cannot bring you there myself… A pleasant surprise… I wish you all the love and the happiness…_

"It all makes sense to me now…" she said, tears threatening to fall from her eyes once again.

_Goodbye… Goodbye…_ the word kept repeating itself in her mind. _There is a pleasant surprise waiting for you in Winhill… Goodbye…_

"Miss? Are you all right?" The woman placed her hand on her shoulders, as if to comfort her.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just remembered something…" Julia said, forcing a laugh while praying it won't come out as a whimper.

_I'm sorry I cannot bring you there myself… _it would be too painful… _I wish you all the love and the happiness…_ with him… _goodbye… goodbye…_

"Oh…I understand…" the woman got the bottle from the counter and sat down beside her on the bench, "it must be that guy you bought these for," She said, referring to the lavender potpourri she did buy for Richard.

She nodded, "It's just that…" Julia bit her lip to stop herself from crying. She might have looked like a total lunatic right then and there.

As if everything that happened between them was not enough, he even led her to the man he probably loathed the most – the man she supposedly loved more than she loved him. It was strange how Laguna did not cross the parameters of her mind ever since the train-ride back home from Timber. And when she finally saw him, after waiting for so long, she can't look at him straight without thinking about Richard.

"_He said goodbye,"_ she thought, "_he was giving up… he was letting me go."_

"Raaaine… I'm sorry! Don't be mad anymore ok? I'd jump off a cliff again if you want me to!" she could hear Laguna saying from a distance. His eyes were not on hers any longer.

"Laguna… he …they look perfect for each other don't they?" Julia asked as she saw the so-called sparks between Laguna and his newfound love.

"Yep. I don't think those two have realized it yet, but I'm sure those guys would hook up sooner or later." Then the woman tried to soothe Julia by patting her back, "And I'm sure you and your man would work things out."

"You're right." She said, as she wiped the tears that escaped her eyes. "I'll make sure I'd get some sense into his thick head…" Just like how he brought sense to mine, she added to herself.

She looked at Laguna, thinking it would probably be her last chance – yet she could not feel a sense of regret in her heart. Finally she can let go.

Her true love went off to war and disappeared once…

…she found him in again… she found him in the man she had known all her life.

Now that one thing was clear, she won't ever let him say goodbye to her again.

Author's notes:  
YAY! 2 more chappies to go! Um… thank you to the people who have reached this part. I hope you liked it. It's actually my exam week right now and… well… yes. I am insane. I'll probably continue this during sembreak… which is like… three weeks from now (Unless I suddenly die in my statistics and accounting exams that is…) so again, thank you very much for reading this fic. I hope to hear from you. Please tell me what you think. Did it suck? Was it horrible? Was it nice?

Ok. Again thank you! runs away and crams for long exam


	9. Love

He heard the wall clock in his office ticking rhythmically as it took a step for every second that passed. The soft sound almost deafened him that he had the urge to punch himself for his silliness. He looked at the dreaded clock once more… six o'clock. She's probably with him at that moment. They were probably reliving their moments together… talking about what had happened and … the future they may share together.

A good deed always caused some sort of comfort, or at least that was what he was taught; however, he couldn't stop the throbbing in his chest. He couldn't seem to make the ache go away no matter how much he tried, no matter how much he made himself believe that it did not exist… no matter how much he told himself that she'd find happiness with someone else.

The clock continued to tick steadily and it almost drove him insane how a piece of machine can seem so stable in contrast to the restlessness he felt. He shook his head and berated himself. He should be working right now. He was the one who almost begged to overtime. He had to finish a lot of things besides his illusion of being with Julia Heartily forever. But he must admit, he was not quite done with that, and he would probably never get over it. But still. He knew he had to sooner or later.

It was funny how he used to force Julia out of the same predicament. He so wanted her to move on and forget everything to begin anew with him instead. It was only now that he realized how difficult it was to do such a thing.

He still had his career. He still had lives to save, soldiers to lead, battles to fight. That's right. He can always go back to the field. A few hours ago he was given the option to do just that. Another team may be sent to Centra to investigate. It might take months or even years to meet the mission objective and he may even be required to take up residence in that dessert for a while… he was one of the few who were asked to take on the mission. He looked at the paper in his desk and tried to read it once more. It would be a good opportunity to get away from everything. It was a good way to escape the politics, the paperwork, Julia. He was one signature away from the Centra mission yet somehow he cannot seem to make his hand move to finally seal his fate. It was probably his weakness showing, or his cowardice, or that faint hope he had in his heart that his presence in Deling would still somehow be needed … wanted… by someone…who would eventually learn to…

He placed the paper aside as he read the other articles that needed his attention. Benefit grants, artillery upgrades, route maneuvers … he studied each paper carefully and wished the piles in his table would never end as it stops his mind from wandering somewhere else. How could he think of such trivial matters when he had a lot in his hands? It was then that the ticking started to nag him once more. He almost placed his hands in his ears to keep him from hearing it but then he realized that it wasn't the clock he heard but footsteps coming towards his direction.

"You're still in the office?" he addressed his secretary, "I'm sorry, it's taking me a while. I told you that you didn't have to wait for me…" he trailed off when he looked up from what he was doing and saw Julia instead, watching him as he worked.

He couldn't quite paint her expression at that moment. They stared at each other for a while, both of them not knowing what to say to the other. Maybe she was grateful, Richard thought, and gave her a reluctant smile. He had not expected this to happen; but at least, this would be a good time to say goodbye…

"Hey, it's late. What are you doing here?" he started as he stood up from his chair to greet her properly.

"The same goes for you general workaholic. Didn't you hear the doctor when he said that you needed at least a month of bed rest?" her voice was a little edgy and he wanted nothing more than to hold her for one last time.

"Oh. Sorry about that but well, duty calls. I knew… I knew you'd be here to scold me!" he rubbed the back of his head timidly, "Ok, ok, I'll take a sick leave tomorrow, I promise."

He smiled at her once more and Julia felt her heart melt with tenderness. She remembered how she promised herself to jump in his arms the moment she arrived in Deling. However, the moment she did arrive, she was surprised to hear that he was still working at such an ungodly hour. It was then that she realized how great the pain he may be feeling at that moment was. The guilt she felt in her heart was magnified when she saw him finally, working quietly in his dimly lit office that she lost the courage to come to him and push away all his suffering, as well as her own.

"So… Did you…?"

"Richard I…"

They both stopped and somehow their eyes reflected what they felt. There was a hazy hue of pain and an almost dreamy hue of love.

Richard walked away from his desk and opened the windows in his office. He closed his eyes as the cold air touched his skin, soothing him slightly and making him less nauseated.

Julia looked on and felt his pain in her own heart. How could she have done this? She asked herself that question repeatedly and almost felt tears in her eyes.

"I finally saw him today, Richard," she started and watched as Richard bent down his head dejectedly. Surprisingly, in a matter of seconds, he chuckled and turned to face her with a big smile dancing in his lips.

"Hey, why sound so glum? He's all right, isn't he?" he breathed in shakily and placed his hands in his pockets. Julia knew that he was smiling now, but his heart was crying as much as hers at that moment.

"Yes, Laguna… he's quite all right. He was very happy…" Richard felt the pain, it was greater than before. Yet he was warmed by how Julia shared this moment with him now than spend it with Loire. He would probably cherish this consideration she showed him for the rest of his life.

She couldn't bear the sight of him that she looked down on his desk and tried to stop her tears. She was surprised when suddenly she felt his arms around her in a longing embrace.

"I'm very happy for you Julia. Please stop feeling sorry for me. I'll be fine." He squeezed her tightly like it was his last chance to do so. He finally made up his mind. He'd take the mission to Centra. Maybe… maybe he can find peace in solitude one way or another.

Julia looked up to him with tears streaming down her eyes and he felt something burst in his heart. "Julia, please don't cry like that…"

She tried to hold back her tears but sobs came out instead. She then felt Richard's gentle fingers wiping away her tears. "You… idiot!"

He was taken aback by what she said, but he continued to hold her nonetheless, trying to give her all the comfort he could give.

"Why do you always do this to me? Why are you always nice to me when I don't give back to you the love you deserve." She held on his collar tightly as she looked at him defiantly, but even in her blind anger, all he could do was look at her quietly with his lonely eyes.

Because I love you so much, he wanted to tell her but he knew he couldn't. Not now when he had no right to claim anything, that there was no turning back. She was with him now, the real man she loved… or so he thought.

"Idiot…you're such an idiot…" She continued to sob in his arms until finally, just when she felt him letting go of her, she leapt up to place her arms firmly around his neck and boldly pressed her lips to his. He stiffened for a moment, visibly shocked.

"Julia…"

She placed her hand on his lips to keep him from saying anything so he can listen to what she has to say… so he can finally hear the words from her mouth. With her eyes wholly focused on his, she finally said, "Richard. I see you. I love you."

"What…? But…You… I …" he stuttered and Julia felt his knees buckle. It seemed almost comical to her but as she saw the confusion in his eyes, she felt the pain gradually lifting from her own heart.

"Please, you don't have to pretend Richard. You don't have to pretend to be him, or to pretend that you'll get by well without me. I love you. Only you." She pressed her head against his neck and breathed in deeply, "I saw him today but I couldn't feel anything… but my love for you. It hurt me so much when you said goodbye. And it hurts me how much you work so hard … to try to forget…"

And as he held her as she cried he felt his tears falling as well, finally letting go of the pain and starting to feel…inexplicable joy.

"You … love me?" was all he could say and Julia had to kiss him again to prove her point.

"You deaf idiot. That's what I just said. I love you Richard Caraway, please don't ever say goodbye to me again."

He hugged her even more tightly at that as everything that happened finally sunk in. Julia loved him. She really loved him.

"It's not a dream…please tell me it's not a dream…" Julia heard him murmur unconsciously in her ears. She giggled and pinched his arm slightly.

"Of course not, this is for real…" she sighed happily, glad that everything worked out well.

"Then you wouldn't mind kissing me again, would you?"

Julia laughed and did as she was asked, with all her heart and soul.

_So let me come to you _

_Close as I want to be _

_Close enough for me _

_To feel your heart beating fast _

_And stay there as I whisper _

_How I loved your peaceful eyes on me _

_Did you ever know _

_That I had mine on you _

_Darling so share with me _

_Your love if you have enough _

_The tears if you're holding back _

_Or pain if that's what it is _

_How can I let you know _

_I'm more than the dress and the voice _

_Just reach me out then _

_You would know that you are not dreaming _

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Author's notes:

Wow. That was mushy. Hahaha. I wanted to make it appear that the 2nd part of eyes on me was dedicated to Julia's new love thus… Rinoa was born from love between two people (that would be a good explanation why she's so er… lovey-dovey-ish… ok nevermind.)

I still have an epilogue to make, but it won't really matter since …er… only 2 people read this fic anyway. Hahaha. I hope those two people read this part. Thank you so much for reading it. I must say that this fic challenged me a lot because … well, I loved making this fic. However, this is my least appreciated work. I knew "whatever" said it sucked but, well… nevermind.

Again, Thank you to all who read. I really appreciate it. I loved sharing this story to you.


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